BIG change :)

Well I am writing this post having just bought my ticket to England.
I have decided to have a break after these six months I have been here.

Since last year already getting the impression that my time in Sri Lanka was coming to an end but not knowing quite when. It seems like that time is now upon me.

Usually I tend to stay longer than I am supposed to in a place and it takes some drastic circumstance to get me to finally leave and go on to the next step in the journey.  This time it is exhaustion that has brought me to evaluate my situation here.

I obviously have had many thoughts going through my head since making this decision... a lot of uncertainty... guilt... confusion..and sheer panic and so I took the afternoon to go out and just sit on the beach and just get to a place of peace and quiet in order to spend good time listening to God.

  Whilst I was just being still, I was reminded of my vision for the season, I was also reminded of the things that have been accomplished, I was reminded of the changes that have happened in the church and the amount of new people who are stepping out and preaching the gospel and equipped to spread God's love wherever they can and who know who they are in God, I was reminded of the ever growing team who will continue the Fundays and who are seeking new opportunities to spread the gospel and of course of all the people who have accepted Jesus during this time and of all the fruit that has started appearing in bigger numbers and of the harvest that is going to continue...  This was the vision of the season.

Sri Lanka was one other stop on my journey. I do not know when or whether I will be coming back.  I also do not know where I will be off to next but for the time being I will be going to England for a time of rest. These past months have been really hard and have taken a lot of energy to get through but it has been a time of wonderful fruitfulness...I have been reminded and encouraged several times of this verse in Psalm 126v5-6: 'Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.  Those who go out weeping, carrying seeds to sow will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves'. God knows what this year has been like but I am confident that the seeds that have been planted are going to produce amazing fruit and I am looking forward to hearing from the people here about the wonderful things that are going to continue to happen through their obedience and boldness to go after God and what they will continue to become in Him. Since taking this decision and spending time with God today I have peace in my heart and I will be able to leave Sri Lanka with joy and no regrets (apart from never really being able to speak either of the languages)...only some sadness at not seeing my friends here again for some time.

 It has been an amazing few years of my life here in Sri Lanka. I have learnt so so much, I have learnt so much about God and how wonderful He is and how He never leaves me and always provides for everything and I have learnt who I am in Him and the amazing things that we can do together and have seen how He loves people and how He transforms their lives for the better and the hope that He brings!!!

 I am looking forward to what He is going to do with me and where He is going to send me next.

Thank you for all those of you who have been supporting me these past years, I couldn't have done it without you.  You may have heard many times that the team at home is essential, well it really is true. I really couldn't have done it without knowing that you were all there being a part of everything that was happening. You brought strength and support, encouragement and smiles :)

Fruit Galore...

As I was peering over my balcony today... hearing the rain coming closer and closer, I noticed the tree in the opposite garden, well what is left of it.  It was a big mango tree; I was looking forward to eating the fruit off it in a few months.  Unfortunately to my horror, last week they cut all its branches off... I will not be having any of its fruit... Then I looked at the smaller tree to the right of it... I had always thought it was a mango tree. But a fruit on it caught my eye. It was the only fruit on it in fact, after further inspection. And it wasn't a mango. It was intriguing, I still don’t know what fruit it was but the big red ants love that tree. 

We all know the saying: don’t judge a book by its cover... well we can’t determine what a tree is until we see the fruit.  We don’t know whether there will be bad fruit or good fruit on it until we see what is produced.  It doesn't matter if the tree is big or small nor whether there are lots of leaves or few, what counts is the fruit.  It’s not fair to cut a tree down before seeing whether the fruit is going to be good or bad... we have to wait... we have to water it..  we have to see to it that it grows healthily and then the rest is up to the tree and we may be surprised at what starts growing on it... 

Before judging, let’s make sure we have done all we can to encourage and direct each other in the aim of being a positive influence before judging things that we cannot see or determine and acting on those presumptions.  How many trees have been cut down on the brink of producing masses of sweet tasting fruit, but us in our selfishness and hindering cut the branches off, ultimately thinking that we know them better than God who created them with a perfect plan in mind... the roots may well have been soaking in the river of life...

Let’s be careful and attentive to which trees we are letting grow and which ones we are cutting down and depriving people of the fruit that was to be...let’s remember that we are to build each other up in order to change the world... 

Matthew 7.16a:  By their fruit you will recognize them.

A Bit of Raw Reality...

 As I sit here sort of ready to write up this new blog post, I hesitate and think about what I am supposed to write... 

-Do I write about the wonderful things that have been happening or do I also write about the pain and the hardships that there are along the way? 

-Do I write about how things go forward 2 steps and back one and the frustration and disappointment there is in the loneliness sometimes?

-Do I write about me not having a shoulder to cry on and the heartbreaking things that happen and cause sadness like my good friend, not much older than me passing away last week or my uncle just before Christmas and me not being with my family and able to be with my mum to support her?

 Or do I shy away from sharing for risk of being judged and told for the millionth time to just go home and get a normal job, or do I just choose to keep silent because I chose to come here, right? 

 I’m going to be authentic...

I can say that being a missionary here is wonderful and that the fruit that is finally being produced is so very welcome... but it was sown not only in joy and laughter, but also amongst tears and frustration...

Don’t get me wrong, I love being here, I love being used by God

-I love giving people the opportunity to learn to step out in faith and watch them grow in God

-I love it when people realize that God is working through them and hearing the testimonies of what happened

-I love the joy on peoples’ faces when they receive Jesus during the Fundays or other times 

-I love playing a part in bringing people to Jesus...bringing love, joy and hope

-I love giving buns to the street people and talking to them

I wouldn't choose another vocation in life...I was made for missions, it’s my life’s work...

-Did I know it was going to be hard?  Yes. 

-Did I know that it would be SO hard?  No. 

-Did I know that it would be such a lonely walk out here in Sri Lanka or that there would be so  many obstacles, so many disappointments? No

- Did I know that I would be in the line of fire practically everyday? No.

- Do I always jump out of bed full of energy to face the day and everything that will be thrown at me?  No! 

-Have I had to fight the temptation of eating all the special English and French chocolate in my fridge in one go to find comfort!!?  Yes! 

-Do I fall asleep crying and want to give up sometimes?  Yes.

-Will I?  No, I’m too much of a crazy wimp to do that!!

Living out of the box, swimming against the current... is not easy... it’s a risk... and it does have a price... but it does have its rewards also...

Relying on God for everything over here... means that I see miracles of provision

- I see the miracle of how all the pieces of the puzzle start to be put together and seem to make more sense 

- I can see lives being transformed in front of me

- I can see God working through the people in the team

- I can see doors open where they have been shut and locked for such a long time

-I can experience breakthrough

- I can see people’s eyes sparkle at the simplest act of love towards them

-I can see 3 years of hard work here bearing its fruit

I realize that this has ended up being more of a thought process and an auto-encouragement.  In the end though, I conclude that although this lifestyle has a high price, it is well worth it. Though there be tough times, there is still joy in the sacrifice. It is a passion. And so in the words of Miley Cyrus  in her song It’s the climb, which has actually encouraged me to press on these past days funnily enough:

The struggles I’m facing

The chances I’ taking

Sometimes might knock me down, but

No I’m not breaking

I may not know it, but

These are the moments that

I’m gonna remember the most, yeah

And I, I gotta be strong

Just keep pushing on....