Well, I am finally writing this blog post... I have to be
honest in saying that I have been putting it off... it’s not the easiest post
to write but now is a good time..
If you read the previous post you might think that I would
be in Micronesia today attending the first day of the Mission School and you
would be right in thinking that... but the reality is that I’m not there. I am sitting on a sofa in Loughborough,
England with no plans, no clear knowledge of what I am doing or what I am
supposed to do. Yet today, I have joy
and I have peace and I know that my God is looking after me...
As you know I was very much looking forward to going to this
mission school in Micronesia, I had huge hopes, excitement and expectancy in this
school... and I was going for it...
working hard, saving every penny and I was getting there. This journey I was on was to take a certain
detour though bypassing the school and teaching me things that are more valuable
to me than gold or silver...
Blessings in obedience I find myself so often saying things that I
really mean with all my heart and with the best intentions but if the time really came for me to walk the
talk I don’t really know if I would. What could be seen as a blessing in disguise
was offered to me. I felt God giving me
a chance to put that into action. I felt
like I was given the opportunity to offer someone who hadn't managed to raise
enough money to go to the mission school to go in my place. This may sound a bit crazy
but I was being given a choice either to
go to the mission school and have an undoubtedly amazing time or start from
what seems like 0 and enjoy someone else going instead. I was even able to take this
person to the airport and send her on her way with joy in my heart knowing that
it’s going to change her life and though I don’t know what my next step is, in
faith I believe that there is something in store for me because of the path I
took and blessings will follow. .
I remember days in
Sri Lanka when I would really want to help the street people but I would
sometimes be so tired that I might pass them on the street and not stop and
after I passed them I would feel I in my heart that I had the choice to turn
round and be obedient and go and talk to them and love them. Each time that I turned my bike around and
decided to spend that time with them even though my body was saying no I can
just remember that they were the best times that I spent with them. God would provide a way to communicate either
through one of them who spoke English or German and we would just have such a lovely time
that would give me so much more rest and peace and joy than if I had gone home and
slept.
.
Love During this time I cannot say I have not
struggled with the decision. For me and
where I am at the moment it was quite a huge step of obedience. But I have been able to see things in a new
light. In a very small small way, I saw
the cost of what Jesus did on the cross to save us... so often we concentrate
on the blessing that come from Jesus dying on the cross for us and we forget
about his obedience. We forget about what he went through, his heart that had
broken for us. We just think that because He died we have our sins forgiven we
have this and we have that which is true, but we don’t fully understand what He
went through for us. I saw it in another
light, and realized how unimaginable his obedience and sacrifice was... betrayed, shamed, an
ungrateful world against him, beaten, killed for doing nothing but loving us and giving his life for us...Obviously I
cannot put it all into words ... but something has shifted in my heart... an
understanding.... more about what it really means to ‘carry your cross’... and
giving your life for God... and the amount of love that God has for us...unconditional
and relentless love...it was free for us but it’s not something to be taken
lightly.. I just want to do what gives God the most pleasure...because of what
He did for me....nothing else matters...
I used to think that God should really know how far I would go for
Him, how much I would be willing to give because of going to Sri Lanka alone
and leaving family and friends and just basically risking my life there ... but
I realize that there is actually a lot more that I can give God and how much
more dying to self there is to be done...
.Faith Faith
requires an action.” Faith without deeds is dead”.... we are often put into
situations where our faith is tested. Either we can play it safe and stay securely
fastened in the boat with our life jackets on and not daring to jump out of the
boat for fear of getting cold or wet or drowning and just keep talking about
things that we might be able to do if we ever got out the boat ... or we can
jump out and believe that our 'splash' is going to create a massive wave. I may not know what I am doing tomorrow or the
next day but what I do know is that God has me in His hand and I don’t have to
worry I just have to keep my eyes fixed on Him..... I have known this when I
have gone to different places with no clue of what is going to happen or what I
will do, who I will meet or where my finances will come from, God has always been faithful
because He does look after us and He has a plan.
Hope We
have to be careful what we put our hope in.
There are lots of good things that we can put our hope in, but that is
not what God wants. Our hope must be in
God alone. Not in a job, not in a school, not in money, not in friends, not in
a book, not in anything but God. I realize that sometimes I find myself focusing
on something else than God hoping that that will change my life, but really, it’s
only God who can do that. These other
things are things along the way are only to teach us, for us to enjoy but they are not
things to put our hope in because if we do we will just be disappointed and discouraged
and we will never be satisfied. God will
never let us down.
I realise that lately I have been quite
discouraged because my hope was not only in God. I know that my joy and my peace were lost
because of hope that was in other things than God and obviously they had failed
and it was really wearing me down... only through forgiveness, letting go and
moving on and putting all my hope back in God am I able to be in this situation
and know that it’s all going to be OK because if God is for me, who can be
against me...
I want to live not just knowing that I can make a difference... but I
want to live making the biggest difference that I could ever make ... doing what
God created me for... sharing His love in anyway that I feel I should even when it seems like foolishness rather than common sense...
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that
which he cannot loose.''
- Jim Elliot
